Should I Believe Compliments On My Hair And Makeup

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I'm someone who navigates the globe with processed-colored hair.

Over the years, information technology's been fire engine red, Barney imperial, electric blueish, hot pink, bright teal, and combinations of all of the higher up.

I'1000 as well someone who happens to have a child.

One of the questions I become asked frequently (usually by strangers, but that's an entirely different piece) is, "What will yous tell your kid if they come up domicile 1 day and says they desire to dye their hair like yours? Will you allow them?"

My respond to that question is always immediate: "Unequivocally, aye."

For me, it'due south non a hard question to answer. It boils down to the fact that, as a feminist, I believe in bodily autonomy – non but for me, merely for everyone.

And that includes my child.

Not only that, but my feminism means that I also believe that consent should be the cornerstone of every interaction – and, once again, that includes interactions I take with my child.

Merely expect—how does bodily autonomy and consent employ to children if we're not talking about sex?

Well, bodily integrity "emphasizes the importance of personal autonomy and the self-determination of human beings over their own bodies."

Put simply, that ways that people should be able to make choices almost what happens to their bodies and when.

Bodily autonomy applies to lots of things: sexual activity, ballgame, plastic surgery, tattoos and piercings – the list goes on.

If, as feminists, we truly believe in actual autonomy and the tenet of "my body, my choice," that should employ to children, besides.

That means allowing them to brand decisions about having their ears pierced, having their penis circumcised, hugging or touching other people, and, yes, cutting their hair.

In order to brand these decisions for themselves, a child has to exist able to consent to them. And in order to requite consent, that child must be able to understand what is being done to them and why.

Before you take your child for their first haircut, ask yourself, "Can my child consent to this activeness?" If the answer is no, you might desire to reconsider the decision.

A good follow upward question to inquire yourself is, "Why do I want my child to have this haircut?" Examining your own motives tin can be helpful in helping you lot rethink a determination y'all feel compelled to make for your kid.

If y'all've never thought virtually why letting your child make their own decisions about their haircut is of import, here are some reasons why it might be a expert thought to encourage it.

i. Information technology Gives Them Ownership of Their Bodies

Every bit long as information technology's not a medical determination that involves a child's bodily safety, it can be empowering for children to make choices nearly their own bodies.

When nosotros make those decisions for them, we ship the message that other people have a right to decide what happens to their body, even if that'southward not the bulletin nosotros intend to send.

Giving them control over what happens to their bodies gives them a valuable tool to carry with them as they get older, and may help them articulate what is and is not okay in other situations, too.

While haircuts and sex activity might seem completely unrelated, they're actually not.

The same kid that is given ownership of their trunk when they're immature becomes the young adult that asserts ownership of their body when they're with a partner.

Take a page from Will and Jada Pinkett Smith on this one: "We let Willow cut her hair… If I teach her that I'm in charge of whether or non she can touch her hair, she'southward going to supervene upon me with another man when she goes out in the world. She can't cut my hair, but that's her hair. She has got to have command of her body."

For our family, that means we don't intend to take our kid to have their hair cut until they ask.

We want to send the message to our child that it'southward their body and therefore their choice what happens to it – and we desire that message to get-go from day 1.

That means not cutting their hair until they want it cut.

2. It Allows Them to Choose Their Gender Expression

In our society, children are put into boxes based on their genitalia from the time they're born.

These boxes include what they should be interested in, how they should like to dress, and what hairstyles are advisable for their gender.

The problem with this is that it'due south cisnormative : It reinforces harmful gender roles and doesn't have into account the range of gender identities and gender expressions that exist in the earth.

For example, I identify as a cisgender woman, merely my gender expression includes brusque hair, minimal makeup, and unshaved body hair – all things that might be typically associated with men.

But as an adult, I have the ability to make choices near the way I express my gender. And children deserve the same ability.

Giving your kid the bureau to make choices over their own hair also allows them agency over their gender expression.

When you police their pilus choices, you besides police their gender. You may be forcing your child into a box that they don't fit in, and that can have long-lasting and harmful consequences.

Their gender expression may modify over the years. In fact, it nearly certainly will.

But what's of import is that they have control over those changes and that their gender expression feels true to who they are, not who you want them to be.

3. It Teaches Them That Their Wishes Should Be Respected (And That Their Desires Are Valid)

How often practise kids say things like, "I want to play with the Black Power Ranger!" but to be told, "No, you don't. Here, accept the Pink one instead." Or possibly they say, "I love this blueish clothes. It's my favorite," and an adult replies, "Are you sure? Yous don't like the purple one meliorate?"

Day in and day out, kids have their desires questioned. They're told they don't know what they're talking most, that they're simply young and don't know any better yet.

And, I'm pitiful, but that's crap.

Adults spend a lot of time and energy telling kids that they don't know anything or what they desire is invalid. This kind of messaging is what leads to kids who don't trust themselves or feel shame near the things they desire or feel.

So what if information technology's on a whim or you think they'll regret it? Hair is hair, subsequently all. Haircuts are temporary; information technology grows back. Hair colour isn't permanent; it tin can always be dyed again.

Allow them make their own mistakes. It's the simply way they'll larn.

When we give kids the ability to say "I want to cut my pilus like Demi Lovato's" and have that desire respected, they learn that what they want is okay.

4. It Helps Them Develop a Sense of Self (And Encourages Their Independence)

Developing a unique sense of style separate from your parents' is function of forming independence.

For years, I wasn't allowed to dye my hair the colors that I wanted considering my mother wouldn't let me. Even as an adult, she feared that the things I did with my hair would affect the way that people viewed her.

Just she and I are ii split up people. The decisions that I make about my hair reflect on no one but myself – because I am my own person.

What your child does with their hair reflects on who they are. What they do with that hair allows them to develop an independence from you. And when you support that independence, yous as well support them as people.

Yous send them the message that what matters to you is that they are truthful to who they are, regardless of what other people recall.

Allowing them the agency to make choices nearly their haircut helps them build a strong sense of self that is independent of both you lot and the outside world.

v. It Develops a Sense of Trust Between Yous and Your Child

When you let your kid brand decisions about their body, it helps facilitate a sense of trust between the two of you. Y'all send the bulletin to your child that y'all trust them to know themselves, that they are the expert on themselves.

In turn, your child knows that you trust them, which helps them to trust you.

It means that when you propose that they not exercise something, they are more than likely to listen because they know that you lot wouldn't tell them non to do something unless it was really not in their best interest.

It facilitates y'all "choosing your battles," as a parent, and saves the Big Bargain for things that really are one. If y'all trust them, they volition trust you lot in return. And allowing them to decide what new hairdo to rock is one mode to build that trust.

6. Information technology Supports a Civilization of Unconditional Dear in Your Dwelling house and/or Relationship

When you lot let your child make up one's mind what they look like on the outside, yous send the message to them that yous love them regardless. It lets them know that you beloved them with short pilus or long pilus, ruby-red hair or blue hair, brown hair or blonde pilus.

You are telling them that, no thing what they expect like on the outside, y'all love and accept them just the aforementioned.

This radical expression of unconditional love creates an environs of back up for a child, and one that encourages them to exist themselves without fear.

Information technology helps your kid to feel like they can tell you anything, and that they don't accept to hide themselves from you, because they know that you'll love them no thing what.

***

Giving a child the ability to make decisions about their haircut and fashion may seem similar a small thing. And possibly it is. But information technology's a minor matter that has big implications for the way kids view themselves.

In giving them the agency to choose their own outward appearance, you help instill values that they tin carry with them throughout their life.

It's more than just hair – it's an early lesson in autonomy, consent, and trust.

Britni de la Cretaz is a Feature Writer for Everyday Feminism. She is a feminist momma, community organizer, freelance writer, and recovered alcoholic living in Boston. She's a founding fellow member of Safe Hub Collective. Follow her on Twitter at @britnidlc. Read her articles here.

Source: https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/letting-child-decide-haircut/

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